Poetry from the Past

I was looking through old files the other day and found the poems I wrote for Chris when we first got together on JS. I used to love writing poetry. Some of them are the word of the day poems I used to do and others are just words.
I need to find my muse again~

~HARRIDAN~

I will not become a harridan
for I have found a one
to make me grow and bloom within
and brighten like the sun
my breast does swell
with just a look
my soul becomes an open book
and in him I do surely see
a future that was meant for me


~Spring salad~

You create
a salmagundi of emotions
that course through my body
and cause me to shudder
without being touched
as if your thoughts could caress me
and stir up my longing
till I almost burst
with anticipation of touch
and what will soon come
when body meets body
and eyes contact eyes
and the two of us mesh
and from into one
no longer divided
by so many miles
but writhing together
united in passion
till we've both come undone


~tranmissions~

Your voice
bounces to me
from tower to tower
over so many miles
the sound
soothes my soul
and shortens the hours
till we meet in a while
transmitting your soul
on a cellular level
to bounce into mine
across the state lines


~Cap-a-pie~

I long for kissing cap-a-pie
To taste the salt and sweet
To blur my mind
and satisfy
this longing
then to sleep

~the gloaming~

I long to sit
in the gloaming
with you
watching the twinkle
of fireflies
in the summer's climax
entangled in
glistening limbs
inhaling
your aura


~Glow~

Leave me disheveled
a smile on my face.
The lingering feeling
of my saving grace.
The warmth of your touch
still burns on my skin.
Your mouth's sweet caress
that was felt from within.
Leave me with a glow
from your thrusting release.
The thing I was craving
to bring me some peace.

Sometimes getting the bitch out works

So I let some frustration and anger out today on my husband and I guess it worked. I think I scared the hell outta him! Don’t get me wrong… I love him and we are mostly happy, but who is ever happy all the time? I just want me time and my vehicle back! As much as I love being a hermit, I NEED to get out of this house sometimes. I have not worked for 6 years and since Zion is doing ok right now, I want a job to get me out of the rut I am in.

I am so sick of housework and care taking.

Right now I am on the point of just going on strike and seeing how long it takes them to notice I am doing nothing. They would never last past snacktime after school. They can’t live on Ramen, eggs and sandwiches forever (though I might make them for a few days). I think I might just do that and see how much more they appreciate the Guinness stew in a few days.

Who am I kidding…

I am never able to just let it all go.

Tomorrow I will still do laundry, go grocery shopping, clean up bedrooms, clean catpans, dishes, organize things and put things away.

But tomorrow night I get ME TIME!! The bff( who is now living here, but that’s another story) and I are going to Zumba class! YAY! It is time for me to get me back.

On a side note..

I know I have not blogged in so long and I have many things to tell! So things to look forward to reading include but are not limited to:

~Zion’s Make a Wish granting and our trip to Phoenix to meet an author

~Why razors are evil and hospital stays make good vacations

~I dare Zion’s school to try to fine me for Truancy

~Did I happen to mention my New Year’s Resolution is to not be so nice?

~Word of the Day poems and haikus

~Randomosity

I WILL blog more in 2010~

I need a rant

Months since I have written here and I have to update with a rant…..

I am tired.

I am tired of being nice to people and being taken advantage of.

I am tired of doing things all by myself even though 7 other people live here.

I am tired of the kids being disrespectful,

I am tired of my husband not having his own vehicle and driving MY van that is supposed to be for Zion’s use.

I am tired of my kid telling me this is his house and he will kick me out when he can.

I am tired of not having a job or money and not having any way to get to a job because we have one vehicle.

I am tired of being a nurse, cook, maid and laundry lady and not getting paid for it.

I am tired of never getting a break from my kids and then listening to my friends who get breaks ALL the time whine and complain about their kids.

I am tired of whiny people.

I am tired of stupid bitches.

I am tired of cleaning up after animals.

I am tired of the struggle and constant worry about money, bills, food, etc…

I am so tired of being nice and I am just plain tired but can’t sleep.

Stupid hospital...

Zion went for his normal appointment at the wound clinic on Friday and ended up in the emergency room by 4 pm. One of his wounds has tunneled under the skin and has become infected. He also has a UTI. The doc wanted him to come in to get a cat scan to see how deep the wound went. He finally got the scan at around 11 pm. The ER was insane between accidents and people with the flu, People were vomiting everywhere. Nice…

They admitted him early Saturday morning. We finally got a room on the peds ward at 2 am. Zion was so pissed because it was homecoming weekend and he missed the game Friday and the dance Saturday night. At least he missed his birthday by a day.

We are still waiting on answers and I am so glad Monday is here. This hospital virtually shuts down on the weekends. They did an MRI on Saturday and I have not heard much about it yet. Only thing I have heard is that the infection is not into his femur. They may do surgery to clean the wound out, but not sure yet. I just want some answers today.

I am a bit perturbed that the peds ward has NO accessible bathrooms or showers. How can that be right? I was in the hospital for a week about two months ago with a staph infection and MRSA and my bathroom had a nice wheel-in shower. That was in the new part of the hospital. The peds ward was just remodeled within the last few years and no one thought they may have a need for handicap accessible bathroom!? Where’s the ADA when you need it? I will be making a formal complaint.

Please keep Zion in your thoughts and prayers. He has been through too much for his 16 years. Just when we think things are going well something happens. He had been back in school full time and got a part in the school production of Much Ado About Nothing. He was so happy to be in school again. I hope that he will not have to be here too long and he can go back to school.

The sky was yellow and the sun was blue~

Sixteen years ago I brought my first little miracle into this world after about 2 days of labor. He was stubborn from the beginning. He came two weeks late and I went into hard labor the morning I was to be induced. I remember my sister-in-laws and mom seeing his full head of hair popping out and my boyfriend(not the dad) happened to pop his head in the room just as he was crowning and he yelled "I'm sorry", even though he didn't knock me up. Somehow, with the strange connection his dad and I have always had, he managed to call at the time I was delivering. He knew Zion was coming.
I still think Zion saved me. I have no idea where I would have ended up if I had not gotten pregnant. It could have been in crack alley in San Fran. Or on some commune in Hawaii. He changed my life, at 18 years old, for the better and I am so thankful for that gift.
I wish he could have saved his dad from all the tribulations he has put himself through.
Who knew 16 years ago that everything that has happened would.
It has now been almost 10 years since he was paralyzed and life is not easy, but I still have him.
He is your typical difficult teenager with some extra added angst and issues stemming from the spinal cord injury.
He is an awesome human being that I am so proud of.
Some days he is the bane of my existence.
I love him so very very much.

and I thought it was such a quaint town.....

I always thought my town was such a nice quiet picturesque town…. until I moved here. Now I see the ugly truth after years of seeing robberies, arson, mean neighbors, teenage hoodlums and the like, but THIS tops it all.

Saturday night we had a party with friends. We were having a great time when I see a cop car come flying up my driveway with no lights at all. He flies back out (wshew) and goes down the other side street where they stop in my yard and start screaming at someone to put their hands in the air while drawing their guns on him. We could not see or hear exactly what was happening because of the fallen willow tree, but I was freaked and told everyone to get in the house. I was scared. You never know what could happen around here.

Things calmed down and we resumed our fun. The next morning I had to know what it was so I started scanning the paper and news online. I even asked the nosy neighbors down the block, but they heard nothing. I finally found it later on in the day.

My drunken neighbor, who practically lives in my back yard, shot his three young, adorable dogs in his kitchen with a .22. WTF!!!!???? OMFG!!!! Apparently he was extremely intoxicated and had enough of their barking. People were setting off fireworks which I am sure had them barking so he shot and killed two and wounded the other.

They were the cutest dogs. They used to get loose and hang out with Tucker in my yard. I wanted to steal the sheltie. They also had a beagle that never came out of his cage because he is a hunting dog. That dog barked constantly and had many complaints from neighbors, but he shoots the other ones. WTF! They said he took pride in that dog.

The guy is out on bail and it really freaks me out that he is so close to my house and kids and animals. They let the beagle stay. HOLY WTF!!!!!! How is that right!? I guess it could have just as easily been the wife that was shot and she bails him out!? Dumbasses. I hope he goes to jail for a long time and she leaves him finally. I have known for along time they were alcoholics because Zion was friends with her daughter before she went into foster care. The wife would show up at my door when they were fighting once in a while to use my phone. I hope she has the sense to leave him before it’s her that gets shot.

I feel so sad that those poor little dogs are dead.

I also want to build a ten foot wall around my property.

Pardon my neglect~

I have been very neglectful with blogging lately. I just can't seem to get in the mood for it and find Facebook and Twitter much easier tasks. It doesn't take much to write a few sentences there.
We celebrated our first anniversary this weekend. We didn't do much and it poured rain half the weekend, but we were happy and that's what counts.
Next weekend we will be having our own Celtic Fling, since we can't afford to go to the real one. I will make some traditional dishes and there will be whiskey and beer and wine and whatnot involved.
Today I have to take Zion back to the wound clinic because he developed another horrible pressure wound. The younger two are annoyed they have to go along. I have to say I am not looking forward to it much...
The kittens from my last post are now huge and crazy! We ended up keeping two of the girls. Originally it was only going to be Belly and I had put the other one on Craigslist. That is until I got a message from someone saying not to give them away for free because people take them to bait dogs or feed snakes. ACK! I promptly removed her and decided we were keeping her. We named her Batty because she has a bat-like head. They are both adorable. The other two went to friends.