25 things about me~

1. One of my favorite snacks is dried apricots. I am having some right now.
2. I <3 beer and tequila~
3. I have been the mother of a paraplegic for almost 11 years. Since Dec 11th 1999...
4. I have 5 cats, a dog, a painted turtle and a Betta.
5. I am an Aries and this makes me hit my head a lot.
6. My favorite band is Modest Mouse.
7. I used to have a mane of dreadlocks.
8. My 8 year old daughter, Sadie, is my mini-me.
9. I tended bar for 9 years.
10. I am afraid of driving, but I think that makes me a good driver.
11. My father is a refugee from Hungary and my mother is a Resident Alien from England so I am a first generation American.
12. I am double jointed.
13. I want to write a cookbook, but it wouldn't be your normal cookbook....
14. I am afraid of dark deep water, spiders and heights.
15. I hated High School and dropped out even though I was an Honor Student. I still hate High School and it never seems to go away....
16. I have a plastic plate where a cheekbone should be.
17. I am allergic to gold, stupid people and bullshit.
18. I love to cook and entertain for my friends and family.
19. I am a nurturer...but don't piss me off....
20. I am Fey.
21. I want to learn to speak Hungarian and visit Hungary.
22. I have traced part of my English Ancestry back to 1100 AD and to Kings of England.
23. Both of my Grandfathers were killed in WWII and I was too little to remember much about my Grandmothers when they died.
24. I want to live by the ocean someday.
25. I am addicted to Facebook.....

playing with the past~

A new group on facebook has made me dig around in the past the last two days and this is something I found from my old Journalspace blog. I miss those days and wish I could get the blogging drive I had then back again. It was so therapeutic.

Playing Along
posted 04/24/06
If I were a month I would be: March
If I were a day of the week I would be: Saturday
If I were a time of day I would be: evening
If I were a planet I would be: Venus
If I were a sea animal I would be: a green sea turtle
If I were a direction I would be: West
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: a bed
If I were a sin I would be: lust
If I were a liquid I would be: beer
If I were a stone, I would be: a fire opal
If I were a tree, I would be: an alder
If I were a bird, I would be: a Red-tailed hawk
If I were a flower/plant, I would be: a Lily
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: sunshine
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: a drum
If I were an animal, I would be: a cat
If I were a color, I would be: blue
If I were an emotion, I would be: love
If I were a vegetable, I would be: a turnip
If I were a sound, I would be: a sigh
If I were an element, I would be: fire
If I were a car, I would be: a '57 Corvette
If I were a song, I would be: reggae
If I were a movie, I would be directed by: Jim Henson
If I were a poem, I would be written by: me
If I were a food, I would be: cheese
If I were a place, I would be: a garden
If I were a material, I would be: cotton
If I were a taste, I would be: a mix of sweet and sour
If I were a scent, I would be: Patchouli
If I were a religion, I would be: Pagan
If I were a word, I would be: chaos
If I were an object, I would be: a crystal ball
If I were a body part I would be: a womb
If I were a facial expression I would be: a smile
If I were a subject in school I would be: social studies
If I were a shape I would be: a circle
If I were a number I would be: three

Life is large

It's rainy and dreary out, which is okay with me since I want to get some cleaning done this weekend. It is warm and I have a covered back porch, so I can enjoy the day anyway.

If I can get out of my wanting to cry mood....

My house smells like peonies and the scrambled eggs and toast Quinn is cooking himself.

I guess life is pretty good, but I have this empty hole right now.

I think my life is a little too large.

Speaking of large....Look how big my kitties have gotten. Kitties really do make life better. Even if they wake you up too early in the morning.

Playing with Faeries

Just when I think I am going to get bit by the blogging bug and starting blogging regularly again I turn around and forget about it for a while. Anyway….

Life is still crazy here. My mom moved in, so we are now 9 people, 8 cats, 1 dog, a turtle and a fish. What a house full! Gran is keeping everyone in line now and about to roll some heads if asses don’t get in gear. She sure does keep me busy! It is great to have a helpful person here. We have done tons of gardening and put in a lot of new perennials. Zion’s room is cleaner than it has been in a while and she spoils the hell outta him. I actually had to scold her yesterday about letting him be responsible for some of his own things. Tucker the black lab thinks she moved in just for him. They go on walks a few times a week.

Even though I have someone around to help, I am still stressed. Zion’s health is not good. My husband and I have been on touchy ground. The extra people in the house are working my nerves(and Mom’s).

But… life goes on and luckily there has been some fun to distract me!

On the 23rd I got to go to Baltimore to see one of my favorite new bands, The Xx, with two of my best friends. The concert was amazing and we danced our butts off! Oh the glory of a hot English boy making love to his bass and the feel of it vibrating through my body. We went to the after party and got to see Jamie from The Xx DJ. We had so much fun.

This Saturday we went to the Baltimore Zoo with my sister. It was so hot, but it was still a good time. I love seeing all the animals and it is so great to have a good camera for places like that.

Sunday we went to the 19th annual Faerie Festival at Spoutwood Farms, which is just down the road. We went Sunday so we could see the band Albannach from Scotland, who I absolutely LOVE! Mmm hot Scotsman in Kilts beating on drums and blowing on pipes. It was so great to dance to them again. Sadie was dancing just as hard as I was. My lil girl can dance! It was so freaking hot and sunny and I ended up burning, but it was well worth it. it’s so much fun to see all the costumes and look at all the vendors stuff. We got a little faerie house to put in our faerie garden and the kids got wooden flutes. Now that the kids are older it is more fun to go with them. Next year I am hoping to be able to volunteer and camp out a night there so I can enjoy the late night drum circles!

If we get hit by a satellite, don't blame me...

Do you ever have those dreams that plague you all day long? No matter what you do, you just keep thinking and thinking about it. Trying to analyze what it could mean and what you missed or can't remember. Trying to hold on to the fleeting memory of a dream can be hard, and trying to put it into words, can be next to impossible. It can drive a person batty.
I slept horribly last night and the night before I had to stay up all night at the ER with Zion. I think when I finally got into a good REM sleep this morning, after I got the kids off to school, my brain was just chocked full of pent up dreams.
One part of my dream I had an owl nesting in my house and it hatched a baby, but some animal conservationist came and took it away. I got to hold it before they left until it started freaking out. All through the dream I was carrying my Belly as a kitten in my pocket through some kind of flea market or antique mall.
I hate that you can only vividly remember parts of your dreams. There should be some way to record them so you can watch them again. Imagine how cool that would be, especially to those of us who believe in dreams having hidden meanings and sometimes being able to foresee the future.
Anyway...
In the dream, I was with many of the people I love and consider family. We were all in separate vehicles though and had gone off in different directions. The dream had us in some small towns not far from here. We were getting ready to head home and I saw a huge satellite dish crash to earth and a big black cloud start to envelope the area. It seems like it was miles from where we were. People started to panic and chaos commenced. I had a bunch of the kids with me and yelled for them to jump in the car. Zion came running to the car and I said "What are you doing running? Where is your wheelchair?" We sped off towards home and we were blocked from going our usual way because there were roadblocks and a sign that said Dangerous Site ahead. I was so worried about all the others who could be at home already and not knowing if the satellite fell close to our house.
It was quite the intense dream and I will not forget it anytime soon, that's for sure! I will be waiting for the day where we can record our dreams and watch them whenever we want to.

catch the memories~

We finally got a new camera today! Our camera had been messed up for a while and when we went to Phoenix, it died right before one of the most memorable events of our lives. I haven't had a camera for months. I feel like I missed out on memories over the holidays and such. How many times did I think or say I wish I had a camera. We waited until we could get a decent camera and I am so happy. Can't wait to catch those moments~

Poetry from the Past

I was looking through old files the other day and found the poems I wrote for Chris when we first got together on JS. I used to love writing poetry. Some of them are the word of the day poems I used to do and others are just words.
I need to find my muse again~

~HARRIDAN~

I will not become a harridan
for I have found a one
to make me grow and bloom within
and brighten like the sun
my breast does swell
with just a look
my soul becomes an open book
and in him I do surely see
a future that was meant for me


~Spring salad~

You create
a salmagundi of emotions
that course through my body
and cause me to shudder
without being touched
as if your thoughts could caress me
and stir up my longing
till I almost burst
with anticipation of touch
and what will soon come
when body meets body
and eyes contact eyes
and the two of us mesh
and from into one
no longer divided
by so many miles
but writhing together
united in passion
till we've both come undone


~tranmissions~

Your voice
bounces to me
from tower to tower
over so many miles
the sound
soothes my soul
and shortens the hours
till we meet in a while
transmitting your soul
on a cellular level
to bounce into mine
across the state lines


~Cap-a-pie~

I long for kissing cap-a-pie
To taste the salt and sweet
To blur my mind
and satisfy
this longing
then to sleep

~the gloaming~

I long to sit
in the gloaming
with you
watching the twinkle
of fireflies
in the summer's climax
entangled in
glistening limbs
inhaling
your aura


~Glow~

Leave me disheveled
a smile on my face.
The lingering feeling
of my saving grace.
The warmth of your touch
still burns on my skin.
Your mouth's sweet caress
that was felt from within.
Leave me with a glow
from your thrusting release.
The thing I was craving
to bring me some peace.

Sometimes getting the bitch out works

So I let some frustration and anger out today on my husband and I guess it worked. I think I scared the hell outta him! Don’t get me wrong… I love him and we are mostly happy, but who is ever happy all the time? I just want me time and my vehicle back! As much as I love being a hermit, I NEED to get out of this house sometimes. I have not worked for 6 years and since Zion is doing ok right now, I want a job to get me out of the rut I am in.

I am so sick of housework and care taking.

Right now I am on the point of just going on strike and seeing how long it takes them to notice I am doing nothing. They would never last past snacktime after school. They can’t live on Ramen, eggs and sandwiches forever (though I might make them for a few days). I think I might just do that and see how much more they appreciate the Guinness stew in a few days.

Who am I kidding…

I am never able to just let it all go.

Tomorrow I will still do laundry, go grocery shopping, clean up bedrooms, clean catpans, dishes, organize things and put things away.

But tomorrow night I get ME TIME!! The bff( who is now living here, but that’s another story) and I are going to Zumba class! YAY! It is time for me to get me back.

On a side note..

I know I have not blogged in so long and I have many things to tell! So things to look forward to reading include but are not limited to:

~Zion’s Make a Wish granting and our trip to Phoenix to meet an author

~Why razors are evil and hospital stays make good vacations

~I dare Zion’s school to try to fine me for Truancy

~Did I happen to mention my New Year’s Resolution is to not be so nice?

~Word of the Day poems and haikus

~Randomosity

I WILL blog more in 2010~

I need a rant

Months since I have written here and I have to update with a rant…..

I am tired.

I am tired of being nice to people and being taken advantage of.

I am tired of doing things all by myself even though 7 other people live here.

I am tired of the kids being disrespectful,

I am tired of my husband not having his own vehicle and driving MY van that is supposed to be for Zion’s use.

I am tired of my kid telling me this is his house and he will kick me out when he can.

I am tired of not having a job or money and not having any way to get to a job because we have one vehicle.

I am tired of being a nurse, cook, maid and laundry lady and not getting paid for it.

I am tired of never getting a break from my kids and then listening to my friends who get breaks ALL the time whine and complain about their kids.

I am tired of whiny people.

I am tired of stupid bitches.

I am tired of cleaning up after animals.

I am tired of the struggle and constant worry about money, bills, food, etc…

I am so tired of being nice and I am just plain tired but can’t sleep.